I'm forcing myself to write something, but all that's coming out is banal and trite words that sound nostalgic, but written for no one, like a Coca-Cola ad that tried to get you to think back on old Christmases. Mom, dad, son and daughter gathered around a lit tree with twinkling lights, all waiting for Santa Claus to bring them presents. I write advertisements for myself to convey a certain feeling I'm trying to convey. It's summer and I've taken the day to do nothing. I haven't left the house and I'm feeling restless. I want to leave the house and do something, but I don't actually have anywhere to be or anything to do.

The summer is half-way over. The first summer I've spent in Roanoke in 5 years. No camp, no Europe, no moving, just living and enjoying the downtime. I need to focus on making smarter decisions in life. Not in any grand sense, just taking more time to think things through on a day-to-day basis and stop acting like I'm invincible.

I saw Leah last weekend. At one point she asked her brother to give a ride to the car rental place, completely forgetting that I had a car and would gladly give her a ride. She was so used to John in Munich, taking trains or walking everywhere. We drank decaf coffee and slept all day. I took her to the Budget rental and gave her a hug. Once again, I said good-bye not knowing when I would see her again.

As of right now, there are five water glasses and a mug up in my room.