rainy day

I just went for a run. I was sitting in my room wearing a hat, sweater, slippers and a scarf. and pants too. I figured some exercise might help. The heat's not on in the house. My little bathroom heater is filling my room with hot dry air. My life lately has been filled with alternating extremes of dread and hope. At times I feel scared that everything I'm doing in life is useless and that I'll never be able to succeed or make any money. Then other times, I think that everyone's life is filled with ups and downs.

I think about all the people with families depending on them losing their jobs. I think about the people making less then me raising a family. How do they do it?

I think of them and I feel hopeful. We have to feel hopeful, don't we? Even if it's empty hope it beats working some shitty job for minimum wage thinking that nothing better will ever happen.

I think I'm getting fat and that I've always been fat and never done anything about it. Then I think about people who don't have time to think about their weight because they're working too hard or trying to feed their families and the only thing they can afford is cheap, fattening foods because fresh food is too expensive.

I think about teaching and how it's my light at the end of the tunnel. I truly believe it will solve all my problems. It will give me a steady paycheck, keep me on a daily routine, weekends off, vacation time. It will give me a reason to be excited about waking up in the morning.

I think about when life slows down and nothing matters more than simple joys like a warm coffee in your hands or a hot shower. Or even having a roof over your head on a cold, rainy day.

The mind is always occupied with something...it might as well be something positive.